"Wrinkle Wrinkle Little Star... How I wonder Where YOU WENT !"
One track... and only one crack... and I'm sitting on it!
NOTE: It is a lot better to have a one track mind at my age than to only have memories that I ever had a one track mind... or not to even be able to remember that I ever had a one track mind.
I think I am a marvellous male... a Super-macho... I predict that 60 years from now I will not only be ALIVE and on the list of Super Centenarians.... I will also be in MUCH BETTER health than any other Super Centenarian has ever been, before me. My MIND will still be working well... and hopefully, I will still be having dirty thoughts and chasing young chicks! (at that age, any woman alive will be a "young chick" for me...)
A doctor who does not agree with me says I am "The Man With the Legendary Ego"... I suppose his sex life is better than mine, in which case maybe I'm wrong. But I'm happy with what I got when the cards were shuffled and handed out.
I wanted physical proof to show that I really am "The Incredible Dirty Old Macho Man Who Does Not Grow Older"...
So... I went to get a medical exam to PROVE IT...
I asked for a Cat Scan of my brain.
Doctors didn't think my mind could be so dirty that the dirty thoughts would actually show up in a Cat scan... But I know how dirty my thoughts are, so I knew that my one track mind might show up.
The Cat Scan of my brain, which you can see below, was taken just as I had some dirty thoughts when a cute nurse focused the camera...
See the cat scan of my brain and the x-ray below...
! Scroll Down... (wait for picture to load completely)
Of course as soon as they saw my cat scan it caused a commotion in the hospital. Doctors couldn't believe there could be such a super stud... So the doctors asked for more evidence. They decided to take a full body X-ray of me...
Here is my full body X-ray taken of me... fortunately, that cute little nurse was there to focus me again... Notice the BIG SMILE on my face...
The Man With the Legendary Ego... The Madman in Mexico... The Man Who Can't Say "No"...
Full body X-Ray taken a few seconds after the cute nurse said she would
focus me again... (Notice the BIG SMILE on my face...)
Before you tell me what I do is dangerous, let me tell you: Don't worry about me. I always practice safe sex!
A Cowboy Tombstone, in Logan, Utah:
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3.. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.
The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.
The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls!'
A ninety-year-old man goes to his doctor and says, “Doctor, my eighteen year old wife is expecting a baby!”
The doctor smiles and says: “Let me tell you a story. A man goes hunting, but instead of grabbing his rifle, he picks up an umbrella by mistake. He's out in the woods when a bear suddenly charges at him. The man points his umbrella at the bear, shoots, and kills the bear on the spot.”
“Impossible," says the old man. "With an umbrella? Somebody else must have shot the bear.”
"Exactly !" exclaims the doctor... "Somebody else shot the bear ! You get it?!!"
Rearrange the following letters to spell out an important part of the human body that is even more useful when it is erect:
It's been proven that when a male has an orgasm, he burns as many calories as if he had run 5 miles.
That's why males always want to fuck: its a hell of a lot more FUN than running 5 miles in a few seconds!
(note: a few females think so, too...)
===== And now please read what Woody Allen, Robin Williams, George Burns, Steve Martin and some of my friends have said about my favorite hobby. (I know they're just jealous...)
From Bad to Verse: A Dirty Dozen of the Worst Dirty Limericks.
Note: They are worse than Louis the Sixteenth
(Please take Note: if you are easily offended, you will be offended.
And If you think my profanity is offensive, I think your fucking sensitive nature is offensive... So we’re even !
Now: LAUGH.. (or, at least: SMILE !!!) Life is a cabaret, old chum.. YOU ARE ON CANDID CAMERA !
An aspiring musician named Monica
There was a young Miss from Vancouver
There once was a fellow from Orange
There once was a Miss Romy Schneider
There was an old lady named Doris,
Evolution's a theory, my dear,
There once was a hooker named Sue,
There once was a young man from Leeds
There once was a fellow named Saul,
There was a young man from Savannah,
There once was fellow named Bruno
A dentist, one Doctor Malone,
There once was a plumber from Lee
There once was a fellow named Woody
There was a young lady from Twickenham
There once was a fellow named Skinner
There once was a fellow named Tupper
There once was a fellow, Greg Kent
- Ellis Toussier, April, 2012
There once was a fellow named Glenn
A lady while dining in Crewe
Want what too?
There was a young man from Hong Kong
He beat the gong with a prong?
There was a young fellow named Kimble
Because it was so tender and slender?
A bad little girl in Madrid
A pious old woman named Tweak
The meek shall inherit the earth?
A young Chinese student named Lin
They loved it, the girls?
There was a young lady from Sydney's
There was a young monk from Siberia
What did he done to the nun?
There once was a nun in Lakeshore
A young girl from Dallas named Alice
A young girl from Dallas named Alice
by Dylan Thomas
There was a young bugger called God
Who put a young virgin in pod.
This amazing behavior
Produced Christ our Savior
Who died on a cross, the poor sod.
Was really disgustingly clean.
She didn't like gin,
Or anything else in between.
Gave her bounteous goodies to sample
The experience? T'was Thrilling!
So wet... warm.... and willing...
Ahhhhh, those BIG girls set quite an example!!!
Once married a sad English bloom.
On his wedding night, he
Asked his bride whether she
Wished for sex - or preferred to play Doom?
Had assets with nary a fault.
A forgetful old banker
Neglected to thank her
For depositing much in her vault.
At mating is wondrously quick.
Before day is over
She's rolled in the clover
With every Tom, Harry and Dick.
As a youth was quite a hot blade.
But as he grew older
His blade got much colder;
Says his wife, but not so the maid.
Had been chaste, he had never been caught.
Till a lassie one day
Said, "The bagpipes you play
Don't compare with the organ you've got."
Had a wondrous addiction to nuts.
They weren't the kind
People nibble or grind.
These are fondled by housewives and sluts.
Her male clients by pinching their meat.
So tight was her grip
That it led one to quip,
"Why this whore is a Nutcracker Sweet!"
Who thought all his sex practices fine.
All day long he made passes
At laddies and lasses;
But at night he chased sheep, cows and swine.
Had no use at all for foreplay.
If a beau took too long
Before coming on strong,
She'd kick him right out of the hay.
Found sheeptending largely a bore.
Till a shepherd stopped by
And - this is no lie -
By day's end she was richer, but sore.
Whose manner is usually jaunty;
Except for the day
Uncle Joe was away
She was caught in delicto flagrante.
I prefer those that don't give me fright.
What I would include
Are enjoyed in the nude,
They are rounded, quite soft, and don't bite.
Mixed some ginseng and prunes by mistake.
She felt rather proud
When her teacher allowed,
"This makes coming and going both great!"
May be fatter, or maybe it's leaner.
In conditions of lean
It remains rather clean.
What it does when it's fat is obscener.
Thought the onset of stiffness a crime.
She accepted her fate
When a supple young date
Said her bed-i-ly moves were sublime.
There was a young lady of Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
Famous Limericks. Read more Limericks, from Limerick, Ireland.
|Table of Contents | Buy Authentic Saizen, Humatrope, wholesale in Mexico | Consult with Ellis Toussier (re: Good Nutrition, Anti-Aging Therapies) | Is HGH a cure for Eczema? | HGH to Grow Taller | HGH and Pain from a Neck Injury | HGH and Psoriasis | HGH and Lupus: How to Become Assymptomatic of Lupus | HGH to Grow Hair | HGH and Anti-Aging Program | HGH and Menopause | RITUALS: What I Do Regularly to Stay Young and Sexy | ENERGY: How Do HGH, EPO, Testosterone, Insulin affect Energy? | HGH and Macular Degeneration | HGH, EPO, and Testosterone to Prevent Sarcopenia | About Testosterone | HGH and HIV+ | What is EPO? | Diabetes Made Simple | Endocrinology Made Simple: The Big Five Anti-Aging Hormones "according to Ellis..." | Five Theories of Aging: Why Do We Grow Older and How Can We Slow It Down ? | AntiAging Secrets: A Risk Management Approach | Rejuvenation, My Amazing 8 Point Anti-Aging Program | The Anti-Aging Anti-Diabetes Diet | The Anti-Aging Athletic Diet: How to Prevent Loss of Neurons | How to Postpone Diabetes: Think Like a Diabetic! | The 70 Minute Glucose Roller Coaster Ride... My Pancreas Lives! | Using Insulin: The Non-Diabetic Use of Insulin | Frequently Asked Questions Re: Non-Diabetic Use of Insulin |ENERGY: How do HGH, Testosterone, Insulin, and EPO affect energy? | RITUALS: What I do every day to stay well... | MYTHS: NOT TRUE. (re: good nutrition, hormones, diabetes, etc.) | F.A.Q.: Does HGH Cause Diabetes? | F.A.Q.: Does HGH Cause High Blood Glucose? | Using Lantus: The Non-Diabetic Use of Lantus | The Glucose Theory of Aging | The Non-Diabetic Use of Insulin for Anti-Aging | Assess Your Pancreas... | Going Through U.S. Customs With HGH, EPO, and Insulin... | The Anti-Aging Anti-Diabetes Diet... | Anemia, EPO, and Senility | The Carbohydrate Thermometer | 10 Typical Glucose Tolerance Test Results | EPO F.A.Q. | Normal Values of Red Blood Cells | HGH F.A.Q. | Ellis Toussier's Hb-A1c to Mean Plasma Glucose Conversion Table | Side Effects of Excess Dose of HGH | J. Donelson Jones, Age 92, the Amazing Interview | About Wilson's Thyroid Syndrome| Confessions of The Incredible Dirty Old Macho Man... My Secret Sex Life Revealed... | The Best of Rejuvenation | Trisoralen (Meladinina): A Pigment Potentiator for your skin or hair... | A Message From Mexico... | Face to Face with Ellis Toussier (interview) | About My Legendary Ego... | My Diploma: Why I Know I Am Qualified to Say: "I know what I'm doing..." ||
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No part of this site or its content may be reproduced in any form or by electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the copyright holder.
The information provided on this site is provided for illustration purposes only and does not represent a proposal or specific recommendation. As a word of caution, the information presented cannot possibly substitute for competent medical advice, because I am not a doctor. My treatment of health issues is general and specific to me, and is not intended as a comprehensive discussion of all relevant issues. Your health and mine will vary to some extent, and the applicability of what you decide with your doctor will depend upon your individual circumstances. If you have a particular question about the information presented, you can telephone me 011-5255-5280-3644 in Mexico City and I will try my best to help you.
This page created on July 31, 2007